Parent 1's Day and Parent 2's Day Just Aren't Going to Be the Same

The Obama administration, in their infinite audacity, have determined that the words Father and Mother are misleading and inappropriate and, to start, will no longer be used on passport applications. Instead, American sheeples who also are progenators soon will be instructed by the U.S. State Department to refer to ourselves as Parent 1s and Parent 2s, and our offspring will be instructed to refer to us by those terms too.

Obviously, father no longer means father and mother no longer means mother because, well, gay no longer means gay. Or something.

Now that, in the febrile imagination of the U.S. government, I've been dispossessed of my heretofore most honored and honorable descriptor, which, I now confess, has annually found its way scripted on greeting cards thus: "Happy Mother's Day," I find myself in a mood often shared by another parent:

Li'l Abner's Parent 2 Yokum

Fortunately, being female, (oops, didn't mean to mention that, Secretary of State Clinton), I share Parent 2 Yokum's desire for law, order, and decency, unlike:

The Surrogate Parent 1

I'm no saint, like:

Calcutta's Parent 2 Teresa

Boys Town's Parent 1 Flannigan

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And I'm certainly not wealthy, like

Orphan Annie's Parent 1 Warbucks

Or artistically talented, like the painter

Grand Parent 2 Moses

Or courageous, like WWII flying ace

Parent 1 Boyington

But I do believe that kindergarten Parent 1's Day and Parent 2's Day pageants are just not going to be the same.
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